The wages of sin....
Last week I was robbed. A very polite lady working at a cash register in a shop called LCBO beat the crap out of my debit card and all because I wanted a bottle of wine or so. LCBO, the Liquor Control Board of Ontario is the only place in Ontario that sells wine and spirits to take home. The shops are very impressive, often being in large old municipal buildings and in prime locations, and so they might be, the prices are extortionate. In Spain, where I lived for three and a half years, you could by a bodega for the price of a good bottle of plonk in Canada.
Officially my job is based in Costa Rica, but due to my project I am spending most of my time in Toronto and I'm thinking of asking my boss for a booze supplement to my wages. The only saving grace for Toronto booze-wise is that it is home of the Granite Brewery that make some very fine real ales. So it may be freezing cold (actually a lot below freezing) over the winter but at least I can get a warm beer! So the wages of sin might not be death but it costs a bloody lot to support ones vices.
On the subject of sinning, I was christened much against my wishes into the Church of England. I voiced my opinion loud and strong, but as I couldn't form words at that age, no-one paid much head to my objections. I don't remember rightly, but I feel sure that the young and very rebellious me may have tried to urinate in the font as an act of protest.
Growing up in the South of England where religion is something you do at births, deaths and marriages and only for the sake of tradition, unless you are a complete nutcase, I never really understood the whole my branch of Christianity is better than your branch of Christianity thing. I still don't and as an agnostic, I probably never will. For those that are unsure of what an agnostic is, it is probably best described as a sort of spineless, chicken shit, indecisive, sit-on-the-fence atheist. I may admit to a supreme being, but I'm not going to describe it's nature. However, I am thinking of becoming a Catholic, not because I have any new found religious inclination. I just like the idea of confession. Don't get me wrong, it's not a recently developed affectation for religions that have free weekly psychoanalysis sessions, I just like the idea of an attentive ear to listen the edited highlights of my colourful life......

Forgive me Father for I have sinned, it has been 39 years since my last confession, or it would have been if I'd had a priest present at my birth. (I exaggerate my age here for gravitas and although I was really born in 1966, I am still only twenty nine and a bit). For research purposes I have just cross referenced the seven deadly sins, with the ten commandments and any connection between them, is at best tenuous, in fact depending upon interpretation, the ten commandments are actually sinful!

For those of you that don't remember or wish to become experts, here they are:

The Seven Deadly:

1. Pride
2. Envy
3. Gluttony
4. Lust
5. Anger
6. Greed
7. Sloth

The Ten Commandments:

1. "Thou shalt have no other gods before me." Exemplifying Greed (for adulation), Pride (in the position), Lust (for power) and all the others with the sole exception of Sloth, God seems to be a bit of a sinner here and not a right-on role model.
2. "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me. And showing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments." Pride, Envy and Anger for sure, the others following with Sloth taking up last place, much as you would expect I suppose.
3. "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain." Getting repetitive here isn't it? Pride in at number one, the others following. Sloth as yet hasn't smelled the coffee. But the case for the prosecution remains sound, God is guilty of a lot of this sinful stuff.
4. "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day, and hallowed it." Finally, at last, Sloth wakes up and tells the others to give it a break, the others sins being too bone idle to wake up on Sunday (or err... is it Saturday if you are Jewish?). God condoning Sloth however is a bit of a worry. This however is a commandment I can get behind, If only this could have been a Friday through Monday long weekend type commandment.
5. "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee." Nice he's stopped talking about himself for a bit (or herself). Definitely a veiled threat here though, Anger is in there for sure. Greed in there as a distant second place as well in the hope of a bit of getting the farm. The demand for adulation though is a bit sickening.
6. "Thou shalt not kill." At last a moral commandment! However, this has been countered by justifications for capital punishment in Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy. As you can see, God love a bit of killin'. Have a bit of a look if you can be bothered, here and even more so, here. As you can see, there's nothing like a little homicide to keep the creator happy. Unfortunately hypocrisy isn't listed as a sin so he/she gets away on a technicality! This small stuff aside, check out God's opinion on the Midianites. Bastard!
7. "Thou shalt not commit adultery." I didn't even realise that was a sin until researching this article, I just thought some people got lucky! Anyway, in terms of sinfulness, this is a tricky one, if you aren't collecting notches on the bedpost which rules out Greed, the question is really dependent on whether Lust is involved. If it is a love thing with a woman that is not your wife then Lust is out, so this might be a pure act and technically not sinful.
8. "Thou shalt not steal." Well I'm cool with this, but check out the Old Testament. God is telling his chosen ones that there is no better way to spend the weekend, than bloodily rushing the the opposition. See the big Midianite land grab.
9. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour." A commandment that is not a self (God) centred demand for worship can never be a completely bad thing, this one is probably the only one that the big 'G' can keep to, so not a bad one to remember. Because of it's importance I shall paraphrase it "Don't Lie!".
10. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's." Condemnation of jealousy for the common mortal here, a great thing, if only it wasn't one of those one rules for God one for everyone else type things...... see the earlier commandments. For the record I have never coveted nor covered my neighbour's ass, nor his manservant's. His maidservant's and wife's are another matter completely.

So , in short, after a little self analysis, I have discovered that I am right up there with God in terms of sin level although he(she) tends to go for the sins of the ego; anger, pride etc while I am more into coveting my neighbour's wife's ass.

It's a funny old thing this religious lark, you can bust most of the ten commandments without being a sinner and be a resolute follower of the ten commandments and a sinner of the worst sort.

But going back to this confession business ......

"Forgive me Father for I have sinned, it has been 39 years since my last confession, I have committed adultery am guilty of lust, constantly, I have had sex outside marriage with over xxxxxx women. Gluttony and Sloth I am an expert at! I am good at Pride and I envy anyone that has any of the following: a latina girlfriend/wife even though I have one already; nice kids; an Aston Martin; that is a better cook than me (this doesn't happen often); has a beer in front of them; has more beer in their glass than I do. I am also guilty of unnatural acts with any number of hot babes (isn't oral sex in contravention of some rule or other under Catholicism) err blasphemy and many other terrible things. And that was just last week..."

a little later......

"Forgive me Father for I have sinned, It has been 5 minutes since my last confession, but I just like talking about this stuff......"