I joined a new gym on Sunday March 13th and had an unfitness assessment. At the time I weighed 202 lb and was apparently 27.4% fat, which equates to 55 lbs of flesh not suitable for making pies.
Me: What does this all mean?
Trainer: You're a fat bastard!
Me: I want a second opinion!
Trainer: You're ugly too!
I have been to the gym every day since, I now have a personal trainer and a nutritionist.
On the scales a minute ago I registered 205 lb.
After the gym I have studiously undertaken further training at the pub. You don't get a body like mine without extreme maintenance!
The cigarettes are now under control and I intend to make my lungs a smoke free zone, they are just so good with beer though.
I have enjoyed several happy evenings boozing with my friends Kevin and Nora. Kevin has recently enlightened me with several hypotheses of his which I have found most interesting.
1) The violent, misogynistic behavior exhibited by rap singers and lauded in rap songs is very similar to the racist stereotype espoused by the Klu Klux Klan. I was in the pub during the academy awards when Three 6 Mafia won their Oscar for song "It's hard out here for a pimp". During their acceptance a Nigerian in the bar was vociferously complaining about the standard of their English.
2) The primitive, violent, theatrical slugfest which is the WWF is not entertainment. When I say WWF here I mean the WWE, the 'World Wrestling Federation' had to rename themselves as they tried to hijack the initials of the 'World Wildlife Fund' but the 'roid pumped sphincters failed and the World Wildlife Fund won their right to their own initials back in court. It is an abominable role model for the mistreatment of women, a proponent of might equals right pugnacious conflict resolution and gang fighting. For me it all this and additionally yet another example of the US using the word 'World' when it should more appropriately use the words 'United States'. Another notable example being the baseball World Series which translates into the US and Canada Series, in an attempt to rectify this there is now the World Baseball Classic which actually has teams from other continents. The finals of the first of these series were yesterday and Japan beat Cuba 10-6. It really screws up the results when you put the world into these world sporting events!
3) Mobile phone companies bend time. In an experiment with his wife Nora and their two cell phones, they discovered that a 3 second call on the receiving phone is a 16 second call on calling phone. I felt momentarily sad for Albert Einstein on hearing this, fortunately he is not alive to find this out for himself as it blows the theory relativity to bits.
4) I would lose more weight if I used the upstairs toilets in my local pub as they are further from the bar and require mastering the stepping action. I can't argue with that.
I recently purchased a Leatherman tool thing. It is one of those bloke must have type items and I have missed the Victorinox Swiss Army knife I have had since it fell through a gap between two sea lashed rocks whilst I was out fishing last year. So now I have had the both I shall give you a lightning comparison review:
Victorinox Swiss Champ: Fantastic Quality, 4079 functions including the great scissors, useless pliers and a corkscrew.
Leatherman Wave: Fantastic Quality, 17 functions including superb pliers, usable scissors, but no corkscrew.
The result: Buy the Leatherman Wave and a corkscrew!
I am flying back to Costa Rica tomorrow and have my tickets to Panama, where I'll be from Saturday until I get back to Toronto on the 29th. I am really looking forward to it. It will be great to get away for a bit.
Remarks that may have sounded anti-American are not intended to cause offence to any U.S. citizen, unless you voted for that chimp in the Whitehouse in which case, offence is fine. There are a lot of you people living in Jesusland Inc. that I quite like, Karyn, Stephanie, Monica, Tim etc
10 comments:
Safe travels, my friend...and yes, cut out that nasty habit.
xo
Hi Cathy,
the going to the pub, the gym or the other one ?
I would never advise someone to stay out of the pub, I am indifferent to the gym, but the smoking is nasty (unless, of course, it is cigars, and then that is sexy :)
'tis true, I was sexier when I was in Cuba!
When were you in Cuba?
I travel to Cuba frequently for work and there is something in the air in that country that swirls with the cigar smoke and mojitos. It is a magical place for me.
I am writing at my desk (supposedly working) and now I have a craving for an Horiba...or a Romeo y Julietta....
I was in Cuba the September before last, there is a small photo collection in my online gallery for you to check out.
I love a good Cuban cigar and a mojito even more. I went to the the Partagas factory behind Capitolio and did the tour. Amazing! A professional roller is expected to produce 100 Robustos per day these sell at between 25 and 36 US dollars each, the Cuban cigar factory worker gets paid around 6 USD per month.
jase
It's ironic that my fitness/fatness level has taken a turn for the worse since I started working at an outdoorsy sporting goods store. Now instead of being an outdoorsy person, I'm inside, selling gear to adventurers.
No offense taken, but what do you mean the whole world is not us..or...U.S. ;)
I do like baseball. I did vote, but not for him.
Hi Stephanie. People from the US often talk about the US as if it is the same as the world. US opinion and world opinion is different. The World Series is not a world series because the world doesn't take part, World Wresting is really United States Wrestling, everywhere else it is really wrestling. It is the forgetting about everyone else that bugs.
For the record, the use of the term Americans to describe people from the United States actually bugs everyone from Mexico down. They are all Americans. Colombia is an American state, as is Venezuela, Peru, Costa Rica etc. They are all states in the Americas. It's just a sort of bombastic we don't think or care about anyone else thing that winds people up.
what about me
Well you go without saying, of course you as well.
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