Festive Greetings!

Christmas, not just a time for uber-shopping, as you can read in the reflective and somewhat spiritual Xmas post from my archive here. It is also a time when people that believe in ancient fairy tales celebrate the birth of a Palestinian political agitator that had his birthday moved to coincide with the Roman festival of Sol Invictus.

Fortunately for all those that live within it, Western Europe seems to have lost interest in all this mumbo-jumbo and no longer needs the threats and promises of archaic Semitic campfire ghost stories to cajole us into behaving. Of course, if your personal morality needs a little bolstering or you draw comfort from that not-being alone in the universe feeling that religion provides that's fine too. Or it is as long as you are not in a position to spend my tax money or start wars. Of course if Tony Blair (Bliar?) had said "I am a lying self delusional bastard with an imaginary friend in the sky that enables me to auto-justify anything I f***ing want to without recourse to parliament, the electorate or my conscience." then I guess we wouldn't have had him as Priminister for so long.

So it just goes to show, honesty really is the best policy, if either he or his sniveling worm-tongued spin-liar Alistair Campbell had been, we may not have suffered him this long. Still, at least now we are in the safe hands of Gordon Brown. Or maybe not. Nope it looks like we have another idiot with an imaginary friend in the top job, of course really he's been screwing it up for a long time, but now he's starting to get the credit for it.

Anyway, enough of that! Happy Xmas

Jesus, he's not just for Xmas you know!

So I've been away a little while and you need an update:

We got married on August 4th at Marylebone Registry Office.

Evelyn was born, somewhat traumatically for her parents on November 3rd at 12:33 am.

Life has changed quite a bit. Laura who normally needs 14 hours sleep (every 12 hours) is finding our new schedule somewhat tiring as am I. Evelyn is fine, happy, alert, gaining weight and developing some truly devastating defecatory ballistics.

I apologise for not updating this recently and I won't waste your time with excuses, but I would like to wish you a warm and happy Christmas from the three of us.

If you haven't seen Sofia Coppola's movie about the life of Marie Antoinette, don't. It is two hours of unadulterated directorial ego masturbation. I think Sofia was lent a copy of the excellent, tongue in cheek Plunkett and Macleane and thought she'd do a big budget chick flick version. Which might have worked, but she hasn't the talent. Self indulgent hints to her own over-inflated self opinion include a pair of basketball shoes in shot with the rest of Marie Antoinette's footwear. Every segway is an excuse to spin up another 80s rock or pop anthem. Sorry but it doesn't work, the only people that will like this rubbish are girls and homosexuals, and then most probably only for the costume and set design.

Laura is watching the end of the movie as I write this blog. I am now going to commit my words to the ether and settle down with the historically far more accurate Talladega Nights, The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.

Hot Fuzz

Laura and I saw Hot Fuzz tonight, it starts a little slow, but there are some serious belly laughs once it gets moving. If you have nothing better to do, or are in a bad mood, go see it, you won't be afterwards. Not as good as Shaun of the Dead but a cracker all the same.

For reasons as yet unexplained, Laura came home with a bottle of this stuff. L's body temperature is a mystery; on getting into bed tired and wanting to sleep, she is sub zero, the moment she falls asleep the furnace goes on and her skin temperature rises to the point that the hairs on my arms spontaneously combust and I have to throw the duvet off lest it catch fire. On waking she is back to complaining about how horribly cold it is and refuses to get out of bed until the central heating thermostat is set to barbecue.



Anyway to see what this stuff is like she put a little bit on her finger and blew, it got hot. I think she plans to wait until I am at work, cover herself head to foot in it and stand in front of a fan.

My boxers
While in Costa Rica I purchased some boxer shorts, no surprise there. I don't dress commando every day. Easy ladies! They were not expensive, in fact they were from Automercado, but I love them. In common with probably everyone occasionally I buy an item of clothing and love it so much that I know that if I can't get an identical replacement I will be distraught. The first time this happened to me it was a pair of Gaerne enduro motorcycle boots that ended up saving my ankles when I had a car interface, they still make motorcycle boots but not a pair like the ones I love. Latterly I have learned the lesson, in Canada I discovered a pair of walking shoes, trainers or whatever they were that were goretex lined and so comfortable that I could wear them all day and then at the gym after work, marvelous, after I had them a week I went and bought another pair, but now one pair are on the way out and the other pair although still in Canada and bound to arrive before the first give up the ghost will be the last, the manufacturer doesn't make them any more. Damn if I hadn't bought six pairs or maybe twelve. But back to my boxers.... I liked these so much I did actually buy twelve pairs or maybe more. What is cool about them is that they have an inside pocket attached to the elasticated hem.

Those of you that have spent time in Latin America will know that a $20 bill will get you a very long way in a taxi and a $100 bill will get you nowhere as no-one has change for such a large denomination and those that do, think that all $100s are counterfeit and will have nothing to do with them. The other week I found a $20 poking out from under the insole of some shoes, you can tell I've spent some time in dubious places. The shoe trick wouldn't have helped my pal Joe in Cuba as he managed to get his trainers stolen there, which is a serious crime. In Cuba a national can get 5 years for giving a tourist a nasty look. But as far as I know, one's underpants and especially Joe's are generally safe from intrusion. These would even have saved him in Colombia when he was kidnapped and taken for a gunpoint tour of local cashpoint machines. That extra $20 wouldn't have stopped it but it would at least have enabled him to spend the rest of the night boozing away his sorrows. He couldn't have got a taxi with it, getting a taxi solo in Colombia is exactly how he came to be kidnapped in the first place.

Anyway I like to think of these boxers as my adventure underpants and worried as I am about them wearing out and never being able to buy another pair, I keep them for special occasions and adventure. So now I have the other problem.....

I have loads of boxers but don't want to wear any in case they wear out, I guess I'd better go commando.

New Sock Day!

Like anyone that works in an office I have an assortment of dark coloured socks that are missing a partner. There is the morning ritual of seeking a whole pair from those recently dried. Even when there are two that match in design, pattern and material, one appears to have faded more than the other, although quite how this happens I am not sure.

Every year or so I go on a sock buying binge to banish this hoserial curse. This year it was different, I did it by e-bay. I ordered twelve pairs each of two different kinds (just to be safe you understand). The first consignment arrived this morning and after test driving a pair all the old office-work-formal socks were binned. Hot sock tip: Either buy a lot of pairs of exactly the same socks, or pairs of socks that are so different that you can match them up in a dark room, in a darker mood, with a hangover, a cold sweat and only five minutes to get out the door. It saves frustration, workday embarrassment or both. Anyway, you are probably asking yourself why I am sock rich......

I start the new job on Monday which after six months off is much needed mentally and financially. Although we have had to pack up a few places and move about quite a bit since my previous employer shut. They still owe me a considerable amount of money, which is a pity as I think I'll have to sell my motorcycles and possibly my place in Gibraltar to finance the wedding and our condo in Toronto.

We bought a car yesterday so Laura will be fully mobile while I am at work and able to spend her time fruitfully traipsing the aisles of England's feminine footwear vendors' emporia and other such noble pastimes.

For those wondering: The shin befronting the muscular calf in the right foreground is my own. Ladies should use caution when viewing this photo as I am no longer available merchandise.