Airport Security
I am writing this in the smoking bar at the airport. It's not just my cigarette that is fuming. Airport security really pisses me off. On getting to the check-in queue at San Jose’ a security guard asked to look at my passport and leaving tax papers. On walking a further two yards a second security guard asks to see the same. He examines my passport, first by hand, then with a jeweller’s loupe, then leafs through every page with an ultraviolet torch. Unsatisfied he rechecks every page, fingering the edges of the paper, presumably to check for pistols and WMDs embedded within the paper. The spine of the passport is subjected to internal examination, still unhappy, he asks if I have any other ID. I ask he wants to see a note from my mum, saying it’s OK for me to get on the aeroplane, but he is not amused. Finally he pisses off with my passport, my Spanish residencia card and my UK driving license to photocopy them. I obviously look like an Al Qaeda activist in disguise, you know, white skin, no turban, no AK47, an Anglo-Saxon name. Eventually El Dicko gives up trying to find something wrong and hands me back my papers.
I walk another two yards; a young and rather pretty security guard asks for my passport, and opens my suitcase either to search for contraband and smuggled Latinas or to fondle my underpants. She doesn’t spend nearly enough time checking my briefs, nor does she mention how great they’d look on her bedroom floor, so I guess she must be abnormal in some respects.
I walk another two yards and have finally made it to the check-in. I of course have to proffer my passport again. I am not in a jolly mood by this point and am not in the slightest mollified by the check-in girl’s explanation that they are only doing their job.
After obtaining my ticket I walk to the desk of the ‘Migration Police’, so that they can check my passport. Another 3 yards and we are at the only bit that makes any sense, the checking of the hand luggage and finally I am through. I shelve my plans for giving up cigarettes and head straight for the smoking lounge.
I hope not to receive a rectal examination on boarding the plane.
5 comments:
Thought I'd left a comment here, but now I see it isn't; weird.
I'll take all the security they can dole out to ensure safety. I look about as much like a terrorist as bin laden looks like little orphan annie, but I;ve gone through extensive checks myself...go ahead, I've got nothing to hide; I draw the line on the rectal exam, though...my worst experience was in Casablanca airport; extensive searching and this was pre 9-11. I can't imagine what it must be like there now.
how's the second Toronto experience?
I could deal with one person reviewing my passport, maybe two but four people in less than 10 metres is ridiculous.
Well as I'm working in Concord and staying in Vaughan during the week, Toronto is sterile, I'm back downtown for the weekend though which will be a curry-fest and an opportunity for a little more cultural integration, any suggestions?
Here's a variety:
-Alice Fazooli's Italian Crabshack Saloon
For great southern style seafood.
-La Bodega
For a nice French meal, especially if it is a nice day to eat outdoors.
-Blowfish
For the best Japanese and sushi, if you like it. This place can be hard to get into, however.
Just a few; there are many many others; depends on what you are in the mood for.
The bastards... You'd think they'd be able to spot an agitated terrorist from a nonchalant international businessman wouldn't you?
You must be picking up a bit of a suntan in Costa Rica...
The bit that upsets me is that they respond so negatively to any piss taking or simply pointing out with tongue firmly planted in cheek how "thorough" they are.
Still it'd rude to overlook an opportunity for moral superiority, or so I say to myself as I chuckle past the security goons.
Did you hear about the 82yr old ejected from the Labour party conference for his one word heckle "Nonsense" aimed at Jack Straw's war progress speech?
Brave new world indeed...
Tim in Sunny Autumnal London.
Its not security cathy, but the illusion of it.
Those that give up freedom for security deserve neither.
Post a Comment