Americans, don't you love'm!

Apologies to my good US buddies Tim, Karyn, Karen and others whom I really do love for the embedded sarcasm in the title. Further apologies to all my friends from non-US North, South and Central American countries that get upset when the word American is used interchangeably with the phrase United States citizen



Electroshock stun gun manufacturers Taser have just released a new product to pimp up their personal protection line, the new leopard print TASER® C2, the very latest in high fashion ghetto weaponry.






And that's not all, so as you don't get bored on the bus waiting for someone to attempt mugging you, you can buy a specially designed case for it, the TASER® MPH Holster, with a built in MP3 player. I shit you not.



It's only a 1GB MP3 player though, so you had better not be too fussy over who you shoot with it or you might run out of rap before you zap.








My good friend John went back to Reggio Emilia for Xmas where he keeps his wife and kids. It is this hallowed region of Northern Italy that we have to thank for Parmigiano-Reggiano and prosciutto di Parma. When John wants some parmesan cheese he goes to the dairy that make it and tells them how much to cut from a wheel. When I want some I go to my bank manager. John pays about €12.5 (£9.36) per Kg, here in the UK it costs between €35 and €60 (£25-£45) per Kg. He brought back a 1.2Kg chunk for me. I was so grateful when he pulled my cheese out in the pub (fnar fnar) that I forgot myself and bought him a pint.









Now we live in a very nice part of town, next to a less nice part of town. I'm a big guy so I don't get bothered much, but it makes a man a little nervous walking around with that much cheese. Maybe I should get one of those Taser C2s, you can stop a big mouse with one of those babies!






And another thing, I'd like Hilary Clinton to be the next President of the United States, she is an intelligent, compassionate and thoughtful woman and would I think, do the best job repairing the financial, social and reputational damage inflicted on the country and the rest of the world by George W Mc Monkeyboy. I would also like to hear lurid details of new oval office sex scandals and as a Clinton, I reckon she is the best candidate for this as well.



Crocs Update: Don't bother with the mammoths! As they don't have a strap at the back your heels come out at every step and you feel like a hairy transvestite harlot wearing them. Not for me matey oh no!